This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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