Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
