Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Randomize
