piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize