At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
