i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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