I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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