you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
