So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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