i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Every concussion has its silver lining
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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