i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
