The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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