i need an iv and a liver transplant
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
