I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
