My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
