I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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