Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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