The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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