ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
