I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i think i have herpe
just one?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Randomize
