I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
