there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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