He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
