Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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