someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
