I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
