i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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