no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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