just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
