I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
