I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
