I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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