oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
