Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Some perfection is debatable.

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  (720): Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday. (303): Some perfection is debatable. http://tfl.nu/oliz
  Replies (32) Good night (4118) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.

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  (918): I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did. http://tfl.nu/i39w
  Replies (13) Good night (2993) Bad night (1333)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

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  (906): Dude, I think my check liver light just came on http://tfl.nu/539i
  Replies (29) Good night (7842) Bad night (1244)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.

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  (206): I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before. http://tfl.nu/t0my
  Replies (21) Good night (983) Bad night (5899)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom

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  (925): I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom http://tfl.nu/lg7c
  Replies (6) Good night (2982) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.

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  (773): he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer. http://tfl.nu/dnae
  Replies (7) Good night (2683) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.

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  (770): Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer. http://tfl.nu/3cyq
  Replies (3) Good night (1997) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..

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  (330): he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder.. http://tfl.nu/5whr
  Replies (23) Good night (1058) Bad night (2105)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.

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  (417): Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow. http://tfl.nu/if3b
  Replies (3) Good night (1525) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom

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  (661): im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom http://tfl.nu/xude
  Replies (3) Good night (1008) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.

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  (336): Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army. http://tfl.nu/tv7a
  Replies (11) Good night (932) Bad night (810)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.

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  (412): I am the sex elephant in the room. Again. http://tfl.nu/d7uz
  Replies (5) Good night (1082) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.

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  (603): He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss. http://tfl.nu/zi8c
  Replies (3) Good night (664) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.

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  (616): Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick. http://tfl.nu/ifwc
  Replies (2) Good night (449) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME

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  (716): Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME http://tfl.nu/yk5a
  Replies (4) Good night (302) Bad night (106)

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