Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people

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(713): View more from Texas

I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.

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(936): View more from Texas

My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(807): View more from Ontario

I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.

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(626): View more from California

It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror

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(425): View more from Washington

I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.

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