no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.