Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I hope my margaritas pass through security.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(785): View more from Kansas

Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.

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(214): View more from Texas

I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake

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(512): View more from Texas

I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.

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(509): View more from Washington

I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.

(440): View more from Ohio

Ok. That just sounds baller.

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