The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?