five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
