she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
