Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
