Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
