I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
