omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
