I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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