my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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