I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
