between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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