could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
