u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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