I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
