i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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