I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
