are you so shy because you have an std?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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