So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
