it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
