I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
