we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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