Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You should frame my arrest warrant.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
