WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
