I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
