i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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