$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
