I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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