I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
