I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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