Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
