ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how do flat chested girls get laid?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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