I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
